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How can I make my prologue better?
I've never written in a guy's point of view, so I'm wondering if it sounds realistic:
2 Answers
- Anonymous9 years agoFavourite answer
Well, crap. I'm used to reading extremely novice writers and clucking my tongue. You, madam, are not a novice. I actually like the use of "goons" and "lioness" because it really characterizes the narrator as a creative and intelligent guy.
I don't have much to edit. Sorry. There was a sentence in the second(?) or third paragraph that began with a passive verb. Something about "causing his chest to be lifted up." You could really strengthen it by making that active or using a better verb. "Exposing his chest" maybe. Keep working, and you'll be published.
- EraserheadLv 49 years ago
Its actually pretty good. I'm not sure if I would use some of the verbiage you chose like "goons" and "lovely lioness" but overall its a good first draft. You had me at the use of proper grammar. I have a headache when I sign onto YA sometimes.
