Adoptive Parents: Did you find out you were not told the correct or whole story?

I'm not an AP but I do have experience with this.

When I met my son's adoptive parents his amom was in total shock over who I am. They had no history on Jay or his medical issues, he was born premature, had sleep apnea until he was 14 months and had a slight hearing problem. They also had been led to believe certain things about me that were not true. They thought I had abused my son since he refused to sleep in a bed the first two weeks he was with them, he co-slept with me from birth because of the monitors he had to have on at night. He had never slept more than ten feet away from me. His amom just bawled telling me this, she kept saying she was sorry over and over. I'm pretty sure the SW would have been told about him not sleeping in a bed for those two week but she made no move to correct the assumptions.

My own adoption file is very honest. Nothing in it was untrue other than some of the limited info on my ndad, he had green eyes and my mom put blue. My mom was given non id info on me when I was about 5 or so, the information in that is vague but essentially correct.

I agree we aren't told the whole story or even the truth sometimes. I hate that we have to dig for information. I want to be open with our kids about their birthparents. However now in our state we aren't allowed to see anything from the birth parents file. NOTHING. So on the last adoption we did I know not one thing about the birth family. How do I ever answer any questions for this child when she is older? We adopted her at 13 months old. SO she won't remember and now I cannot tell her. We have lucked out in some of our other adoptions as the birth families are still open to contact as they relinquished rights due to the babies needs so we still have some open communication (whatever they are comfortable with...kind of less now that our son is older.) Anyway, it is hard to deal with a childs losses, issues, etc. with no information. I wish that the system would understand that.

I found out several things about my daughter after we were adopted. It caused me some bitter feelings toward the state. I am still angry. I would have still adopted her, however, I feel someones rights were violated.

I have mixed feelings about this. I was told her father was a relative of mine, yet, I found out that there is a very real possibility that her biological father may have been actually related to her mother. So, while MY relative 'gave' up rights so I could adopt her, the possible actual father did not. How can I feel? odd....

My kids were placed with me after no information from FM or agency. They were handed to me(after a 3 yr wait) and I had to learn everything on my own. Most of the stuff that I now deal with is a direct result of being in that foster home. We were told my son was "of short stature" but otherwise healthy... he has since been diagnosed with 6 different disorders. In his records (that the agency only gave me after I threatened to call the governor) it stated a "Genetic Syndrome, FAS, Cleft (high arched) Palette, etc." but no where did it mention RAD, ODD, ADHD, Bi polar disorder... and I ask myself everyday that I struggle if the agency knew all this, withheld records on purpose and just wanted them placed. After 18 months of living with me I was finally allowed to finalize the adoptions and was given 5 minutes with a case file summary of each kid that was at least 10 inches thick.

We were fortunate that we had the opportunity to speak with our children's fmother and get the story from her. And our children, being 10 and 5 at the time, were able to confirm that she was their mother. Her story matched up with what the agency said, which matched up with what the children say, even years later.

The only discrepency we did have was an undiagnosed medical condition that was picked up on bloodwork run in the US. Nothing majorly dangerous or life threatening, but something that will take ongoing monitoring. I don't think this was a case of the agency deliberately withholding information from us, but rather a case of Third World Country diagnostics not being up to First World Country standards.

Yes--you know when something smells bad, don't you? I have a sixth sense for something funky. I know several people who didn't get the "real" story from agencies, SWorkers, natural parents etc...even doctors, and extended family members. I don't know if it is because something gets lost in translation or on paper, or the moms at the time don't want to tell anyone what's the real deal, or sometimes people are overworked and underpaid and just don't give two craps.

I is tough when you trying to peel away the layers of "noisy inaccurate info" to make sure you get as much of the right information as you can to piece together a little ones past to try to keep their futures as whole as possible. It sometimes seems that no one else around seems to care.

I know you're after AP's answering but when my son's parents eventually had contact with me they found out that much of what they had been told wasn't true. They were even given a letter that was supposed to be from me but wasn't. I found out about the letter during a telephone conversation with his amum just before Christmas as she brought the subject up and I told her I didn't know anything about it.

IRL I unquestionably tend to apply greater promptly language. after i'm no longer 'schooled' by capability of an industry on what language to apply with my infants. (the sole words i do no longer use is 'genuine father and mother.' considering i think this may be puzzling for my infants whilst getting to understand approximately adoption.) i does no longer be indignant in the event that they used the term. yet for some reason coming from human beings outdoors of our family contributors I do discover it offensive. I basically administration how I react, (it incredibly is plenty greater important) so my infants do no longer improve up questioning you need to respond poorly to lack of information whilst it includes words utilized by capability of persons who do no longer any distinctive. And to work out that basically because of the fact some says some thing to you which you do no longer consider does not advise they meant to break you by capability of their words. I did pay interest to what adoptee's had to assert approximately adoption language. some issues I unquestionably have taken into consideration for years yet to come from the solutions. and that i did no longer discover your question offensive in any respect. (none of your questions are meant to offend. i will see that contained in the wording.) i grow to be shocked to work out it deleted. i grow to have an interest in seeing your responses to it.

I am not totally sure if all the information given about our children's natural parents is correct. Much of it is limited and though if we wanted to contact them we probibly could easily with the identifing information we have that is not an option we are willing to go through with the history and our children's ages. I assume the information is correct because we have the hospital records and some of the police records.

Speaking for my a'parents a bit here: I may well be an exception, but when I found my mother, all the non-ID info I had been given turned out to be accurate.

I'm starting to think that whatever the state of SC was doing during the BSE was different from what a lot of other states were doing...?