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I have a Motorola Theory cell phone. I have the Yahoo Messenger and can't get logged into the messenger. I have been trying to get logged into Yahoo messenger since last night but it won't log in at all. I thought that it needed a new battery but don't think so now. It keeps saying that it is timed out. I am also having problems with the Yahoo email on the phone. It hasn't been sending out emails on Yahoo. Can someone please tell me how to get logged into my messenger again? I may need a new phone. I have not had the phone for a year.

I am thinking of opening an online checking account soon. Are they something that are easy to use and are they safe to use? My son has an online checking account and someone broke into it and stole all the money from his account. He called the bank and let them know what happened and they replaced the money.

I am wanting to report someone for their house being filthy dirty. The couple are not legally married and they live together. They also have small children. They live in a mobile home in Georgia. I know the couple and their home is filthy. I am wanting to report them but don't know who to call. Can someone on here tell me who I am supposed to call?

The local news station was interviewing an 80-year-old lady because she had just gotten married for the fourth time.

The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, & then about her new husband's occupation.

"He's a funeral director," she answered.

"Interesting," the newsman thought. He then asked her if she wouldn't mind telling him a little about her first three husbands & what they did for a living.

She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years. After a short time, a smile came to her face & she answered proudly, explaining that she had first married a banker when she was in her early 20's, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40's, & a preacher when in her 60's, & now in her 80's, a funeral director. The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, & asked why she had married four men with such diverse careers. She smiled & explained, "I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, & four to go...."

Two men died & went to heaven. St. Peter greeted them & said, "I'm sorry, gentlemen, but your mansions aren't ready yet. Until they are, I can send you back to Earth as whatever you want to be."

"Great!" said the first guy, "I want to be an eagle soaring above beautiful scenery!"

"No problem," replied St. Peter, & poof! The guy was gone.

"And what do you want to be?" St. Peter asked the other guy. "I'd like to be one cool stud!" was the reply.

"Easy," replied St. Peter, & the other guy was gone.

After a few months, St. Peter sent an angel to fetch them back. "You'll find them easily," he said. "One of them is soaring above the Grand Canyon, & the other one is on a snow tire somewhere in Detroit!"

Driving to work, a gentleman had to swerve to avoid a box that fell out of a truck in front of him. Seconds later, a policeman pulled him over for reckless driving. Fortunately, another officer had seen the carton in the road. The policeman stopped traffic and recovered the box. It was found to contain large upholstery tacks. "I'm sorry sir," the first trooper told the driver, "but I am still going to have to write you a ticket." Amazed, the driver asked for what. The trooper replied "Tacks evasion."

I have static electricity in my hair & need help in getting rid of it. I have had static in my hair for 10 years. I wear my hair long & most times wear it in a ponytail at my neck. I use hairspray to keep it from falling down. It is very soft & I can't do anything with it. I have tried wetting my hair but that doesn't work. What can I do to get the static out of my hair?

I am wanting to buy myself a nice webcam but not sure what to buy. I am wanting to use it for my Yahoo messenger. Could someone tell me what one to buy and anything else I need to know.

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around looking for valuables, and when he picked up a CD player to place in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying, "Jesus is watching you."

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight out and froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, promised himself a long vacation after his next big score, then clicked the light back on and began searching for more valuables.

Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard, "Jesus is watching you."

Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.

"Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot.

"Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you."

The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who the heck are you?"

"Moses," replied the bird.

"Moses?" The burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a parrot Moses?"

The bird promptly answered, "Probably the same kind of people that would name a 140 pound Rottweiler JESUS."

A large woman, wearing a sleeveless sundress, walked into a bar in Dublin. She raised her right arm, revealing a huge, hairy armpit as she pointed to all the people sitting at the bar and asked, "What man here will buy a lady a drink?"

The bar went silent as the patrons tried to ignore her. But down at the end of the bar, an owly-eyed drunk slammed his hand down on the counter and bellowed, "Give the ballerina a drink."

The bartender poured the drink, and the woman chugged it down. She turned to the patrons and again pointed around at all of them, revealing the same hairy armpit, and asked, "What man here will buy a lady a drink?"

Once again, the same little drunk slammed his money down on the bar and said, "Give the ballerina another drink."

The bartender approached the little drunk and said, "Tell me Paddy, it's your business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why do you keep calling her the ballerina?"

The drunk replied, "Any woman who can lift her leg that high has got to be a ballerina!"

There was this little guy sitting in a bar, drinking, minding his own business, when all of a sudden this great big dude comes in and -WHACK!!!!- he knocks him off the bar stool and says, "That was a karate chop from Korea."

The little guy thinks, "GEEZ" but he gets back up on the stool and starts drinking again. All of a sudden -WHACK!!!- The big dude knocks him down again and says, "That was a judo chop from Japan."

So the little guy has had enough of this so he leaves and is gone for an hour or so and then comes back.

-WHACK!!!- He knocks the big dude off his stool and out cold!!!!

The little guy looks at the bartender and says, "When he comes to, tell him that was..... a pipe wrench from Sears....

Is it true that if a person is an organ donor and they end up in the hospital and they are near death the drs. and nurses find out that the patient is an organ donor they won't do anything to keep that person alive? I always thought that drs. and nurses were supposed to do everything to keep that person alive. I am thinking about becoming an organ donor but now I am not so sure. My sister was the one who had told me that and I did not believe her.

What is everyone's New Year's resolutions? I make them but don't always keep them. Mine is to stop smoking completely. If only my husband would stop buying them for me then I would not smoke at all. I am wanting to start exercising more and stop being on the computer so much. Those are easier said than done. Happy New Year everyone!

I would like to know why Christmas is sometimes spelled as Xmas. I have a girlfriend who is a Catholic and she has always spelled Christmas with an X. I had read an article once saying that Catholics spell it that way. What is the meaning of the X?

I have frizzy hair and don't know what kind of shampoo and conditioner to use to stop the frizz. Could someone recommend a good brand of shampoo and conditioner for me to use for my frizzy hair? I have never had frizzy hair and have no idea why it is frizzy.

I have a son who is 37 and does nothing but smoke weed and drinks all the time. He works and makes good money. He went to prison in 2003 because he was on crack. He got out and was living with my youngest son who is married. My son threw him out of his home because he got back on crack. He moved in with me because he had no where else to live. He was still drinking. He did finally get a place to live. He ended up seeing a woman who was married and has two children. She is finally divorced but she needs to get out of his life for good. She and my son started doing their weed and drinking all the time. The woman stays at my son's home every weekend. They smoke pot in front of the two little girls and she also drinks and drives. I also know that she has the little ones in her car and they are not always fastened in their car seats. She was in a wreck 2 years ago and she was drunk. Her mother had her children. She came to my home to call her mother but didn't tell that she was drunk. A few days later she shows up again with a nice car that her mom bought her. The woman gets food stamps and is selling them. She calls my husband and wants him to buy the food stamps from her. I won't buy them. She is selling them for drugs and alcohol. I also called D.F.C.S. on her last month to turn her in. I had talked to a woman who gave me an 800 number. I almost didn't do that. One of my friends had called me long distance and I had let her know what is going on with my son. She had let me know that she would have already turned the woman in. I don't know what happened to my son but I'm not giving up until she is gone. He also had asked his step-dad for help in getting rid of the woman. If he won't help then it is up to me to do it. How long does an investigation last until the woman is caught? I called the 800 no. on Nov. 25. My son also does not pay his rent and is getting evicted from his home. How long does an investigation take before something is done? Sorry if this is so long. This has really been hard on me.

I am thinking about downloading Skype on my computer but not yet sure if I want to use it. Do you have to have a webcam to use it? I have a webcam but have never used it. Does it cost anything?

What did everyone do today for Thanksgiving? I had a pretty good day. My family and I went to church for our Thanksgiving dinner. We had lots of good food and friends to talk to. I use to go to my parents for the holiday but my parents are no longer living. My mom and dad would always have lots of food and we would invite friends and family to eat with us. Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

I am thinking about selling Mary Kay. How does a person go about it and does it cost much to get started? I had been told that there is alot to go through before someone can get started selling Mary Kay. Is there really alot to go through?

Is the Montel Williams Show still on? I have been trying to find the show and haven't been able to find it on tv. Is it off for good or now on a different channel? I use to watch it in the mornings but haven't seen reruns of it in a long time.