Breakthrough

I participate in a zoom group club with the online society I’m in and I noticed that ever since our activities became digital, most of the poor and uneducated people in our group have disappeared from our social networks. I used to be above average in our group and now I’m considered average or dumber because all the less intelligent and less educated and less wealthy people have departed from our group making me look dumber by comparison. I never understood why it seems only the rich participate in our group but my mom says only people who have all their material needs satisfied are interested in protecting their emotional health.  

Mine is to be an abstract and surrealism art production creator

To study to become a psychologist or psychotherapist 

To work as a digital religious minister

And to create books on life for profit

I would also love to run a day care or animal pet care centre in my home 

Or work as a professional landlord by securing my rental properties 

I do because my family was born in China and we moved to Canada which I think is one of the best countries in the world with free health care and medical insurance if I one day become too sick to work or run out of money to take care of myself. Plus food is cheap enough that most people can afford it whereas in some other countries a family eats 1/5th what we can afford to eat. My life is not perfect because I don’t have money for all the steaks and avocados and crab legs I want but I have food and water and a place to live. 

Today I was deleting some old files from my university days and meditating on God in the process tears began to stream down my face which I believe might be unconscious feelings being brought to the surface, maybe my mind was making peace with the fact that I no longer have the social life I did in University or that I no longer had an academic purpose to wake up to each morning. 

I had a dream telling me I could protect the future by looking at the songs I sang because what I sang with my lips would become my reality and that one of my friends who offered help to me in the past came in my life in response to a song that I sang years before. 

Lately I’ve been waking up to worship hymns and chants. 

My parents both got vaccinated recently and had no side effects but I began to get some of the side effects of the vaccine just from being around them all the time including things like dehydration and chills and muscle soreness and I think I might have had arm pain too. I also heard India’s CoVid cases began to spontaneously decline weeks ago even though less than 1/25 of their population has been vaccinated and nobody knows why the cases went down. 

And what could he have done differently to alter his fate? And why is it written as a parable? 

There were two Amazon facilities where I typically get deliveries from that had CoVid outbreaks and I think the government forced a 4 week shut down in those areas but the product we ordered is time sensitive and reduces in value if it is consumed too late. 

When I was younger I did not worship God very often and the material world fascinated me, I loved to look at crystals and glass sculptures and beaded bracelets and I liked writing poems and drawing pastel art and creating water colour and pencil crowns and I felt like a celebrity whenever I wore a pretty dress or outfit and I was overjoyed with things like coloured play dough and video games and regular swim meets at the local pool. Now I am much closer to a lifestyle of worship but these early material fascinations no longer inspire me. 

I thought maybe I could have some cheese or dessert for breakfast like candied hawthorn berry or ice cream or just plain rice. 

I’ve only texted one male from work since the pandemic started and then tried to get a hold of

the guy I liked through social media and the second guy was not responding to me enough to form a mutual and interactive connection and I felt God wanted me to ignore the guy from work but I don’t know why. I have church friends I text but not for dating purposes and generally I only message them when I want help for something or another, not on a friendship level with them. 

The community I’m in has a members-only digital gardening group and I never help my parents with their gardening work but I thought I could attend to learn useful gardening tips and than pass it onto my parents. 

I was looking forward to my tax returns but then I realized I made an error on my return so now my return money might delayed

Recently I entered a contest and if I win, it could lower my monthly expenses but with the high number of people in the competition my odds are pretty slim 

Two of the last three guys I liked were visibly shy, one could not even meet me for a date without panic problems and another guy was attractive but I was not interested for personal reasons. The third guy is unknown cause he is different. 

I’ve met a lot of college drop outs since finishing university and most of them are terrible people - I think a university degrees shows you are willing to tolerate liberal points of view like inclusion and diversity and respect and kindness 

It also shows you are willing to do things you don’t like if it is part of your duties in life 

Somebody who lacks liberal grace or humility and accountability is likely to have bad character 

I get uncomfortable around blood shed so I can’t even watch a lot of normal teenager movies

Two of the smartest people I know were both people who enjoyed playing fantasy style video games 

I believe there is a correlation between video game playing and iq even though no study has ever been done on it 

I had a dream where God told me He would not give me a boyfriend until I discovered the truth because if I got married before learning the truth, it would cost me my identity. I would not say I’m spiritually mature but I’ve dedicated myself to God and I have no idea why I’ve been single for so long but I do know that no guy liked me until I got my university degree, than they magically appeared. 

I grew up with non religious parents and it took a very long time for me to redefine my goals and values and mental state to match the characteristics of the bible

I have more dreams now than I did when I was 16 years old and a lot of people are telling me I have to give up and just take left overs cause I’m too old now

Like I have over 26 books I’m trying to write at the same time and one of my hobbies involves language learning so I’m trying to learn Arabic and Japanese and Sanskrit at the same time - I’m not learning to become fluent, I’m doing it purely for entertainment purposes - I believe I’m intelligent enough to become fluent but I’m not sure I have time to invest in thoroughly adapting to the languages so I’m just learning for fun